The Seder plate (see below).
On the final stretch of the Sneaky Spy’s Stateside Saga, our crafty hero abandoned work and trundled up to Long Island, to join friends for their Passover Seder and become Educated in the Ways of all things Jewish. As a good Catholic Spy who went to Catholic Spy School and still sports his school-regulation wimple on special occasions (the little coquette), his friends had their work cut out, for little did they realise the true depths of his cross-cultural ignorance. However, inspired by the promise of a table heaving with grub, he was an eager pupil, and by the end of the meal could even join in with the rousing chorus of an Aramaic song about a baby goat. The Spy isn’t going to sugar-coat it; bad, bad things happened to the goat, but the blow was somewhat softened by the four glasses of fortified wine that the text demanded be consumed during the course of the meal. DEMANDED, I tell you.
Let the feast begin...
Anyway, the Spy certainly doesn’t have the authority to wax lyrical about the traditions surrounding the Seder, so he will merely share some of the highlights of this occasion (any corrections gratefully received), which included:
Traditional chicken soup, with obligatory matzoh dumplings. There was much debate as to whether the dumplings should be feather light or as dense as golf balls (popular opinion favoured the latter), which the Spy greatly approved of, as he has experienced years of similarly heated discussions regarding the proper density of Christmas Pudding, not to mention near full-blown family feuds over the proper proportion of candied peel and glace cherries that should be included in a Christmas Cake.
Soup. Dumpling. Carrot. Sorted.
The Seder plate, complete with bitter herbs, salt water with celery dunked in it, a picture of a lamb shank and a baked egg (the Spy ate the egg afterwards, for research purposes you understand. He does not recommend you do the same, for he burped eggily for at least an hour afterwards. He also ate the salt-watered celery, thus exceeding his recommended daily salt allowance by several thousand percent.)
Seder plate during its formation.
The Charoset (pictured in the bottom-right bowl in the top picture) representing the bricks made by the Jews in slavery, a mixture of chopped apple, chopped walnuts, cinnamon and fortified wine. The Spy troughed it like he has never troughed a brick before, spreading it on top of Matzoh bread, naturally.
Matzoh. Great topped with bricks.
The PLAGUE PLATE, with a drop of wine representing each of the ten plagues. The Spy’s was considered to be the best plague plate on the table. Another dinner guest was ticked off soundly on account of his inferior plague plate. Some people just don’t make the effort on these occasions…
The most beautiful plague plate in the world. Note the exquisite detail on 'frogs' and 'boils'.
By this point, the Spy was terribly over-excited, and could only be placated by the dessert macaroons (chosen on account of their lack of leavening agents). The Spy cannot bear the guilt any longer, and must confess that he ate six. SIX. In fact, these little beauties were so fantastic and so simple that the recipe appears below for posterity (it’s basically from Nigella Lawson’s Feast). In the spirit of the occasion it is also in American measurements...
Nobody else touch the macaroons! They all belong to the Spy! All of them!
Passover macaroons:
2 egg whites
200g / 1 cup ground almonds
200g / 1 to 1-and-a-half cups sugar (icing sugar for preference, but any will do, so experiment)
Vanilla extract (optional)
Preheat oven to 150C / 400 F and line baking tray with parchment or foil
Mix dry ingredients (almonds and sugar) and add egg whites, stirring to combine until it is a sticky mixture
Fill a bowl with cold water and a few drops of vanilla extract, dip your hands to wet them, then roll the mixture into little walnut-sized balls, keeping your hands wet all the time
Put the balls on the baking tray about 3cm apart, squash down slightly and bake for 10-12 minutes
They will harden as they cool, so take them out when still a bit squishy. Nice warm or cold, but they shouldn’t really be peeled off the paper until cold or you will lose bits. The Spy couldn’t wait.
(You can get creative, using orange or rose water or adding extras to the mixture such as 3 tablespoons of cocoa powder, or a teaspoon of ground cardamom, or putting a flaked almond on top of each macaroon. Knock yourself out.)
A final note: the Spy knew his culinary adventure was at an end when he went into his bag to get the page of instructions written for him so that he might get back home to the fenlands. Alas, the rain had got in, and tragically washed them all away. But he still made it home (cunningly, of course) - he's not called a Spy for nothing.
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